The next chapter

New Year's posts are always fun to write.  Although this is a more forward looking post instead of a meditation on the last year.

It is with great joy that I announce I have accepted a position at Southern Oregon University as an Enrollment Services Associate.  I start January 22nd.  I am truly looking forward to a new challenge and many opportunities to grow professionally. My future coworkers and supervisors are a great team!

This is as much a professional move as a personal move as well.  Most of Bryce's family lives in the Rogue Valley and over the past year we have found leaving them much more difficult to do.  We love our family, and we love the culture and community of the Rogue Valley.

There are rare moments in life where it seems that the stars align and the timing is right; and the clarity we have in our decision making gives us peace.  The only other time in my life when I felt such clarity was when I walked down the aisle to marry Bryce.

As many of you know these past eight years (five as students, three as an employee) have been a truly unforgettable experience.  WOU will always have a special place in our hearts. But many of you also know that the past three and incidentally, the first three years of our marriage have been a tremendous struggle, as we made our way into the working world.  Bryce has dealt patiently with blow after blow of rejection letters and the monotony and devastation of unemployment, while I struggled to get my own grasp on my work, keep our finances together and go to graduate school.  Nevertheless we found a reason to smile and a reason to laugh everyday.  We have many happy memories here, and will cherish them always.

Thank you to all my friends and family who have supported and encouraged us through the Monmouth Chapter of our lives and have wished us well into the next.

Time to get me some SOU Raiders gear!

Happy Holidays

Santa's favorite little terrier would like to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Don't touch my marriage

I've had a lot of time to think about this blog post, which is why it is nearly November.  This is one of my unique blog posts where you can expect emotional ranting and profanity. Disclaimer complete.

If you don't feel like reading any further here's the blog post in summary...

Don't touch my marriage, or I'll fuck you up.

For those needing additional explanation, see rant below.

My husband does not have a job.  He has struggled for almost two years to find one, through no fault of his own.  He did all the "right things" you're supposed to do in college, internship, part-time job, study abroad, and yet when we finally graduated he could find only part time work which, by the time he commuted back and forth only contributed the gas money to get there.  My husband now volunteers at the local library and continues to apply to hundreds of jobs all of the time, and be a wonderful "stay at home" (albeit unwillingly) husband. Money is tight, but we get by with the support of family and friends.  We also have a strong marriage built on love, respect, trust and faith. And of course joy!

I am absolutely tired of the ignorant judgmental attitudes of people who ask me questions like "Well, can't he just find anything?" or "Well what is he doing wrong?" or "Well if he was my husband, I'd tell him...".  I am tired of feeling like I have to make excuses, when it is obvious that we live in tough economic times.  And I am mostly tired of the way people look at me with sympathetic, judgmental eyes as though I am some poor workhorse wife who goes home to a deadbeat husband sitting on the couch in a wife-beater shirt drinking beer and watching football. My husband and I are none of those things.

These types of judgmental reactions stem from our still pervasive cultural attitude that the man must be the "breadwinner" and the woman must stay at home, raise the kids and keep house.  Oh, sure the woman can have a job, but she can't make any more money than the husband and it's just a part time thing for her. And of course by now we're supposed to own a house, have a new car and maybe kids, or kids on the way. This has never been Bryce and I's "American Dream" and it certainly has not been our American reality.

Frankly, my husband is more of a man than most of the "men" I meet in the workplace will ever be.

Why, you ask?

Because if any of you have read the bible (or are generally in touch with reality) we all know that marriage is not about the cultural stereotype that lives on in this country.  In a  real marriage, and in real life, spouses sometimes take turns supporting each other, be it monetarily, physically, spiritually, emotionally, so on and so forth.  In a real marriage the man's role is just as complex as the woman's and should not be centered on financial support.  Bryce is a wonderful husband who has supported me in ways I cannot quantify.  I do not know many husbands who would  support their wives going back to get an MBA, or other advanced degree. I do not know many husbands who not only support but are actually proud of their "career wife" or as Bryce likes to jokingly call me his "sugar mama".  While my husband greatly desires to be employed and help financially, he is not so full of pride that he resents my own success.

So these men in the workplace I mentioned above, we all know them, they've got the job, the wife, the car, the house and kids.  They've got their egos.  Granted, not all are this way, but I know some who go home to their families and treat them like shit; verbal and physical abuse, and they cover it up with money, stuff and booze.

I'd rather my husband stay at home for the rest of his life than turn into one of those dirt bags.

I didn't get married so that my husband could take care of me financially, I got married because I love Bryce for who he is and not what others think he should be.  So please do not pity us, and do not judge us, because I am a happily married (and very satisfied *wink*), strong, confident woman and wife and Bryce is the best damn husband I could ever ask for.  We live in a comfortable two bedroom apartment, drive old cars, have plenty of food, clothing, and a furry child. We don't really need the money, the car, or the house because we have joy; and a real marriage. And everyday we laugh together and tell each other how much we love one another. This is enough.

And one final note, just like a mama bear and her cubs, I am fiercely protective of my marriage, and increasingly tired of the jerks in this world.  So if you touch my marriage, I will fuck you up.

Beatin' the statistics

"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner

Instead of the usual sappy Facebook post about how "I married my best friend and the love of my life ____ years ago", I decided to keep it a little more real. 

Here's to beatin' the statistics my love!

Marriage is hard work, and it is wonderful, messy, maddening, joyful work. 

Aw yeah, get it girl.

 

Adventures in green cleaning

Recently I've gotten aboard the "green clean" train in an attempt to get rid of some persistent mold under the kitchen sink.  I was using diluted bleach, but it just never seemed to get rid of it for long.  Turns out bleach, while an excellent disinfectant, is not really that great for actual cleaning and getting rid of mold on more porous surfaces.  It is also very caustic even when diluted; causing skin irritation and asthmatic reactions in some people. Additionally, as many of us know, many commercial cleaners are also very toxic.

There are tons of resources out on the Web, and many point towards the use of basic household products for general cleaning, specifically white distilled vinegar. Vinegar cleans just about everything, and while the smell is not pleasant it dissipates after just an hour or two, and is much less obnoxious than many commercial cleaners and bleach. I am happy to say it annihilated the mold. Baking soda and lemon juice are also extremely good at cleaning and deodorizing.

Here are a two of the "recipes" that I have found very helpful:

All-Purpose Cleaner
Equal parts white distilled vinegar and water in a spray bottle. Seriously, that's it.

Furniture polish
1/4 c lemon juice with a few drops of olive oil in a spray bottle or small dish, dip a soft cloth in it and polish away.

Aside from being better for the environment and your health, natural cleaners are also incredibly cheap to make.

Here are also some excellent links to more recipes, tips and videos:

http://greenandcleanmom.org/
http://frugalliving.about.com/od/cleaningtipsandrecipes/a/Clean_Vinegar.htm
http://www.vinegartips.com/scripts/pageViewSec.asp?id=7
http://blackmold.awardspace.com/kill-remove-mold.html#vinegar

The above is just the tip of the iceberg, I would encourage everyone to explore natural non-toxic cleaning both for the environment and your own health!

Prayer of bitterness

 As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it. 

-Eckhart Tolle

Dear Lord may I never become bitter

May I never become jaded with the sadness of life

May those around me never feel the need to walk on eggshells

and never fear my reaction to inconsequential mistakes

I pray I will always be kind towards others

That my patience will endure the most difficult of situations

I pray that if I come to hate my job so much, I'll quit

and that I will do so with dignity.

 

That I will not infect others with resentment.

That I will not color facts with feelings

or manipulate truth with resentment

That I remain open and loving,

though I may be seen as naive

And that my words be steeped in kindness

and my actions honest and consistent

I pray I make for myself an identity out of joy

and a life transformed by love.

 

 

 

A BAD DAY

Special thanks to DemotivateUs.com

Haircut

This is what Kelly looked like awhile back!  This is one of my all time favorite photos of her because it's just so funny!  Needless to say she needed a haircut, so the picture below is her "AFTER" photo. From "derelict" to "fabulous" lol!

Out of the darkness

 “There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” -Laurell K. Hamilton

The fog is beginning to clear in my mind.  Nine pounds heavier and a new medication later, I think I am finally on my way up and out of one the most crushing episodes of depression in my entire life.  Months of feeling incapable of doing simple tasks and overwhelming emotions of pain, anger and of course anxiety have begun to lift slowly.

I am so thankful for my loving husband, family and friends who have helped me to seek out the help I needed and get back on track.

This has truly been a dark night of the soul.

While much can be attributed to a medication failure, I can't overlook the fundamental spiritual and emotional changes I have gone through in  in the last few months.  I have learned much about myself and about other people, and begun to change long ingrained behaviors in regards to negative thoughts and people pleasing habits.  I have let go of many things I once thought were so vitally important to a contented life and embraced uncertainty.

I've learned to be more in tune with that "gut feeling" and respond appropriately.

I've learned how to be angry, really angry, in a healthy way.

I could list so many more important life lessons, but this is not the point of my post.  My only point is to thank those that have been extra kind and supportive during a time when I felt like the biggest failure on earth. Thank you for being patient with me, as I often isolate myself and forget to consider others while in the midst of my own pain. I've turned the proverbial corner, and walked away a better person because of my dark night.

Left, Right, Left?

Maybe it's just another one of my neurotic tendencies, but has anyone else noticed the increase in the amount of people who walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk?  I've particularly noticed it here on campus with the students.  I always thought walking was like driving, walk on the right, pass on the left.  Apparently, this is not a hard and fast rule anymore, considering the numerous times I have been practically shoved off the sidewalk because someone walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk refused to move!  I'm not just talking about gaggles of girls walking three abreast or people absorbed in their smartphones, there are actually people who have their heads up and are paying attention, but refuse to move.

I've decided to make a game of it.  Just like playing chicken in elementary school, I am going to refuse to budge and force the "wrong walker" to back down.  This is not easy though, as I am not typically a confrontational person, and have often stepped aside into the grass out of fear.  No more I say!  I will not back down!

 I've only successfully attempted this maneuver once, because I "chickened out" at the last moment for all the others, but this one successful refusal to step aside resulted in the person moving over to the correct side of the side walk, and an absolute look of dismay on their part.

While some of you may think this occurrence is not significant, I'm inclined to think it represents a larger issue, which is the increasing lack of common courtesy between human beings.  We are so stubborn and fearful of human interaction, and absorbed in our own problems, we actually physically refuse to budge, or make eye contact, despite knowing we are "walking on the wrong side of the road".

I realize that being just as deliberately stubborn may not be the best solution, but maybe it will start forcing people to look at the world around them, instead of remaining so stubbornly absorbed in their own problems.

Watch out world!