"Friendship without self interest is one of the rare and beautiful things in life."
- James Francis Byrnes
I've learned some tough lessons in life, as we all do, but one of the most difficult lessons has taken me until this year. The lesson as my so eloquent husband put it one day was, "people generally suck".
His statement was in response to my profound loneliness that has accrued over the past year. Don't get me wrong, I feel fortunate to have my husband and puppy child, but I believe friendship is a key to our sanity as well. And it seems that as we get older, it becomes more difficult to make friends.
More specifically, I learned the lesson my mother has always tried to teach me, that you are truly lucky if you have one good friend that sticks by you throughout your life.
It may seem harsh but the truth is, in general, people don't care about you, they have no interest unless you have something to offer them. This is where the self-interest comes in, be it tangible or intangible, people generally don't care unless there's something in it for them. It's an unconscious act I believe, people aren't so consciously calculating, it's a way of being. They are absorbed in their own lives and this behavior is a product of our culture.
I've always been one to genuinely care, empathize and listen to others. Apparently, this is a unique quality. Unfortunately, it comes with a price, because often when you hope for them to reciprocate, it does not happen. The classic "Hi, how are you" followed by "Oh well, let me tell you all about my woes" and no reciprocation of empathy. I've often become a dumping ground for other people's complaints.
Going back to the self-interest point, to be more direct, people don't care unless you've got drama mama. I have no drama in my life, good or bad. I live a peaceful life, work hard, go to school and have a very happy and strong marriage. In other words, I'm boring from the perspective of many people. People don't care about you when you're happy, they feed off of drama.
Now you may be reading this, well, since I'm boring, probably no one reads this (ha ha!), but anyways, you may be reading this thinking "gosh this is so negative", but I have some good news for you.
I have one, true friend, who I cherish more because of these painful experiences of failed friendships. This one true friend listens to all my boring stories, rejoices in my boring happiness, and cares without self-interest. No matter how long we go without seeing each other, I know that we can always pick up where we left off, telling our boring stories, or sitting in companionable silence.
I have learned to let go of the painful experiences, and not look on people in a negative light, but in a more honest and forgiving light.
We don't mean to, but sometimes we as people suck.
