I've had a lot of time to think about this blog post, which is why it is nearly November. This is one of my unique blog posts where you can expect emotional ranting and profanity. Disclaimer complete.
If you don't feel like reading any further here's the blog post in summary...
Don't touch my marriage, or I'll fuck you up.
For those needing additional explanation, see rant below.
My husband does not have a job. He has struggled for almost two years to find one, through no fault of his own. He did all the "right things" you're supposed to do in college, internship, part-time job, study abroad, and yet when we finally graduated he could find only part time work which, by the time he commuted back and forth only contributed the gas money to get there. My husband now volunteers at the local library and continues to apply to hundreds of jobs all of the time, and be a wonderful "stay at home" (albeit unwillingly) husband. Money is tight, but we get by with the support of family and friends. We also have a strong marriage built on love, respect, trust and faith. And of course joy!
I am absolutely tired of the ignorant judgmental attitudes of people who ask me questions like "Well, can't he just find anything?" or "Well what is he doing wrong?" or "Well if he was my husband, I'd tell him...". I am tired of feeling like I have to make excuses, when it is obvious that we live in tough economic times. And I am mostly tired of the way people look at me with sympathetic, judgmental eyes as though I am some poor workhorse wife who goes home to a deadbeat husband sitting on the couch in a wife-beater shirt drinking beer and watching football. My husband and I are none of those things.
These types of judgmental reactions stem from our still pervasive cultural attitude that the man must be the "breadwinner" and the woman must stay at home, raise the kids and keep house. Oh, sure the woman can have a job, but she can't make any more money than the husband and it's just a part time thing for her. And of course by now we're supposed to own a house, have a new car and maybe kids, or kids on the way. This has never been Bryce and I's "American Dream" and it certainly has not been our American reality.
Frankly, my husband is more of a man than most of the "men" I meet in the workplace will ever be.
Why, you ask?
Because if any of you have read the bible (or are generally in touch with reality) we all know that marriage is not about the cultural stereotype that lives on in this country. In a real marriage, and in real life, spouses sometimes take turns supporting each other, be it monetarily, physically, spiritually, emotionally, so on and so forth. In a real marriage the man's role is just as complex as the woman's and should not be centered on financial support. Bryce is a wonderful husband who has supported me in ways I cannot quantify. I do not know many husbands who would support their wives going back to get an MBA, or other advanced degree. I do not know many husbands who not only support but are actually proud of their "career wife" or as Bryce likes to jokingly call me his "sugar mama". While my husband greatly desires to be employed and help financially, he is not so full of pride that he resents my own success.
So these men in the workplace I mentioned above, we all know them, they've got the job, the wife, the car, the house and kids. They've got their egos. Granted, not all are this way, but I know some who go home to their families and treat them like shit; verbal and physical abuse, and they cover it up with money, stuff and booze.
I'd rather my husband stay at home for the rest of his life than turn into one of those dirt bags.
I didn't get married so that my husband could take care of me financially, I got married because I love Bryce for who he is and not what others think he should be. So please do not pity us, and do not judge us, because I am a happily married (and very satisfied *wink*), strong, confident woman and wife and Bryce is the best damn husband I could ever ask for. We live in a comfortable two bedroom apartment, drive old cars, have plenty of food, clothing, and a furry child. We don't really need the money, the car, or the house because we have joy; and a real marriage. And everyday we laugh together and tell each other how much we love one another. This is enough.
And one final note, just like a mama bear and her cubs, I am fiercely protective of my marriage, and increasingly tired of the jerks in this world. So if you touch my marriage, I will fuck you up.
