Diary of a Perfectionist

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Discouragement

I have been feeling very discouraged lately in terms of my academics/career direction. On Thursday I sang in voice seminar and recorded it. After listening to it, I realize that even though I have a decent voice, I still have a very long way to go. It's frustrating because the majority of vocalists here seem to be musical theatre majors and a lot of them have progressed so much and they have nice pretty airy lyrical voices. I don't, I have a darker, heavier, more out of control voice. I understand that my voice won't finish developing until I am almost 30, so I have to be patient, but it is still frustrating. I have also come to feel that as much as I love singing, I do not want to make a career of it, nor do I want to teach voice. I think I am a bit too sensitive to be able to go into a master's program and be around fellow vocalists. I also do not think I have the performer's personality nor do I want the professional musician's lifestyle. My years here at Western have been very important, and I don't think I have wasted my time because a music degree speaks to the discipline and work skills I possess. Still, a music degree does not always provide a lot of jobs besides performance and teaching right out of college.

I have found that I really enjoy organizing and planning. I enjoy working with others and facilitating. My dream would be to work for an arts organization, like an opera company. I think it would be great to be part of the business side of the arts. I have decided to apply to several programs (next year) in Oregon and Washington that are either Master's Programs in Arts Management or a general MBA. I think this would allow me more job opportunities and lead me on the right track to where I want to go.

Nevertheless, I still feel a little lost and unsure of what I want to do. I am continually praying for guidance and for peace amidst uncertainty. So I try to remember everyday our November all church bible verse:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

And so, I continue to do all that I can to prepare for the road ahead, through hard work and perseverance. Taking one day at a time.