Dark Nights of the Soul

Recently, a book called Dark Nights of the Soul was recommended to me in helping understand depression and anxiety from more than just a medical perspective.  Written by Thomas Moore, this book explores the idea of a "dark night of the soul" and what we can learn from these times in our lives. It stresses acknowledging our "darkness" and embracing rather than avoiding painful feelings.  At the same time we cannot let it wholly consume us, but rather allow it to become a part of our lives and who we are as human beings.

While the book sometimes gets flowery in language and repetitive in many ways, I have really enjoyed reading it. I do not necessarily agree with all that Moore has to say, but even he acknowledges that we have to  find out for ourselves what is true for us and know that we are forever evolving as people.  I wanted to share some of my favorite/ most famous passages from the book so far.

"Think of a dark night as part of organic living. To avoid it would be like choosing only artificial food that never spoils. As a natural person, you are going to feel a wide range of emotions and go through many different kinds of experiences. Over the course of your lifetime, parts of you will grow and blossom, some will rot. To be sad, grieving, struggling, lost, or hopeless is part of natural human life. By riding the wave of your dark night, you are more yourself, moving toward who you are meant to be." Chapter One: Night and Day

"You may be so influenced by the modern demand to make progress at all costs that you may not appreciate the value in backsliding. Yet, to regress in a certain way is to return to origins, to step back from the battle line of existence, to remember the gods and spirits and elements of nature, including your own pristine nature, the person you were at the beginning. You return to the womb of imagination so that your pregnancy can recycle. You are always being born, always dying to the day to find the restorative waters of night."-Chapter One: The Hero-Sun and the Sea

"I would say, when you are on a night sea journey, be taken. Don't try to have it finished. Don't try to figure it out.  Don't try to outsmart it. You wouldn't interfere with the natural birth process, so don't fidget your way into the journey of soul that will make you more of a person and reveal your destiny. Be in one-act darkness" -Chapter One: The Sea as the Source.

Friendship

"Friendship without self interest is one of the rare and beautiful things in life."
- James Francis Byrnes

I've learned some tough lessons in life, as we all do, but one of the most difficult lessons has taken me until this year. The lesson as my so eloquent husband put it one day was, "people generally suck". 

His statement was in response to my profound loneliness that has accrued over the past year.  Don't get me wrong, I feel fortunate to have my husband and puppy child, but I believe friendship is a key to our sanity as well. And it seems that as we get older, it becomes more difficult to make friends.

More specifically, I learned the lesson my mother has always tried to teach me, that you are truly lucky if you have one good friend that sticks by you throughout your life. 

It may seem harsh but the truth is, in general, people don't care about you, they have no interest unless you have something to offer them.  This is where the self-interest comes in, be it tangible or intangible, people generally don't care unless there's something in it for them.  It's an unconscious act I believe, people aren't so consciously calculating, it's a way of being. They are absorbed in their own lives and this behavior is a product of our culture.

I've always been one to genuinely care, empathize and listen to others.  Apparently, this is a unique quality.  Unfortunately, it comes with a price, because often when you hope for them to reciprocate, it does not happen.  The classic "Hi, how are you" followed by "Oh well, let me tell you all about my woes" and no reciprocation of empathy.  I've often become a dumping ground for other people's complaints.

Going back to the self-interest point, to be more direct, people don't care unless you've got drama mama. I have no drama in my life, good or bad.  I live a peaceful life, work hard, go to school and have a very happy and strong marriage.  In other words, I'm boring from the perspective of many people.  People don't care about you when you're happy, they feed off of drama. 

Now you may be reading this, well, since I'm boring, probably no one reads this (ha ha!), but anyways, you may be reading this thinking "gosh this is so negative", but I have some good news for you.

I have one, true friend, who I cherish more because of these painful experiences of failed friendships.  This one true friend listens to all my boring stories, rejoices in my boring happiness, and cares without self-interest.  No matter how long we go without seeing each other, I know that we can always pick up where we left off, telling our boring stories, or sitting in companionable silence.  

I have learned to let go of the painful experiences, and not look on people in a negative light, but in a more honest and forgiving light.  

We don't mean to, but sometimes we as people suck.

Hawaii 2013

Yes, ladies and gentlemen this lucky girl is headed to Hawaii in 2013. Oh...yeah.

My father in law and his girlfriend have been going to Hawaii for the past two years and finally, finally this year they gave in and bought a timeshare!  They will be going every January and next year we get to go too! Even better news, Bryce will eventually inherit the timeshare...oh...baby.

Today was turning out to be the worst day ever, and then it just became the best.  Funny how that happens! We are so blessed!