Friendship

"Friendship without self interest is one of the rare and beautiful things in life."
- James Francis Byrnes

I've learned some tough lessons in life, as we all do, but one of the most difficult lessons has taken me until this year. The lesson as my so eloquent husband put it one day was, "people generally suck". 

His statement was in response to my profound loneliness that has accrued over the past year.  Don't get me wrong, I feel fortunate to have my husband and puppy child, but I believe friendship is a key to our sanity as well. And it seems that as we get older, it becomes more difficult to make friends.

More specifically, I learned the lesson my mother has always tried to teach me, that you are truly lucky if you have one good friend that sticks by you throughout your life. 

It may seem harsh but the truth is, in general, people don't care about you, they have no interest unless you have something to offer them.  This is where the self-interest comes in, be it tangible or intangible, people generally don't care unless there's something in it for them.  It's an unconscious act I believe, people aren't so consciously calculating, it's a way of being. They are absorbed in their own lives and this behavior is a product of our culture.

I've always been one to genuinely care, empathize and listen to others.  Apparently, this is a unique quality.  Unfortunately, it comes with a price, because often when you hope for them to reciprocate, it does not happen.  The classic "Hi, how are you" followed by "Oh well, let me tell you all about my woes" and no reciprocation of empathy.  I've often become a dumping ground for other people's complaints.

Going back to the self-interest point, to be more direct, people don't care unless you've got drama mama. I have no drama in my life, good or bad.  I live a peaceful life, work hard, go to school and have a very happy and strong marriage.  In other words, I'm boring from the perspective of many people.  People don't care about you when you're happy, they feed off of drama. 

Now you may be reading this, well, since I'm boring, probably no one reads this (ha ha!), but anyways, you may be reading this thinking "gosh this is so negative", but I have some good news for you.

I have one, true friend, who I cherish more because of these painful experiences of failed friendships.  This one true friend listens to all my boring stories, rejoices in my boring happiness, and cares without self-interest.  No matter how long we go without seeing each other, I know that we can always pick up where we left off, telling our boring stories, or sitting in companionable silence.  

I have learned to let go of the painful experiences, and not look on people in a negative light, but in a more honest and forgiving light.  

We don't mean to, but sometimes we as people suck.

Hawaii 2013

Yes, ladies and gentlemen this lucky girl is headed to Hawaii in 2013. Oh...yeah.

My father in law and his girlfriend have been going to Hawaii for the past two years and finally, finally this year they gave in and bought a timeshare!  They will be going every January and next year we get to go too! Even better news, Bryce will eventually inherit the timeshare...oh...baby.

Today was turning out to be the worst day ever, and then it just became the best.  Funny how that happens! We are so blessed!

Zen habits

My resolution for this year is to simplify my life.  I want to truly focus on what is important to me and learn to let go of the rest.  I recently stumbled on this great blog (much more insightful than my silly rants!) called Zen Habits and have been trying to incorporate some of the many amazing tips given to simplify my life.

One of the posts that attracted my attention was on multitasking. I realized that I try too often to multitask and  end up being way less efficient.  An example would be checking my email way too often which, distracts me from the project I'm supposed to be working on, then when I return to it, I can't remember where I left off.  Being a receptionist means frequent interruptions in addition to my own ability to distract myself.  The Zen Habits blog has excellent tips for these kinds of situations and explains why multitasking is not necessarily efficient.

Attempting to multitask too much, combined with distractions, can not only lead to lower efficiency but also induce stress on my part.  I have decided to work on limiting multitasking, distractions, and work slower and more carefully. I have taken the following steps to incorporate new habits:

1. Be aware of my breathing while working, breathing deeply reduces anxiety and clears the mind.
2. Create three and only three MITs for the day, instead of try to do everything in one day.
3. Reduce distractions, particularly limiting the amount of times I check my email everyday.

I'm really looking forward to increasing my efficiency as well as my sense of inner peace.

Here's to a new year and new habits!