I haz it

Millions of people in the U.S. and around the world struggle with depression everyday.  I'm one of millions.  Some days I'm scared to go out in public. I sleep all day and lay awake all night with anxiety, which is just the other side of the same coin.  I cry for no reason, I'm angry, resentful.  I can't focus.

And yet we (doctors, scientist, psychologists) still do not completely understand the cause of depression. We try to manage it with medication, therapy, exercise and healthy eating but sometimes we plummet into that dark hole despite our best efforts.  Sometimes its a life event, sometimes there's no trigger at all.  But that does not keep us from feeling so numb, angry, desperate, wanting to cry, sob,  locked down. 

Depression interferes with every aspect of my life.  My work, my relationships, my physical health.  And yes, depression hurts, just like in the commercials.  Sometimes I feel physical pain.  For the most part though, I function quite well. I'm quite adept at hiding it, a very bad habit I have developed.  I have relapses though, and this week has been one of the worst.  I called in "sick" to work two days in a row.  I finally called my doctor to say "Hey, this isn't working, I need something to help me sleep".  Luckily, I have an excellent doctor who has a lot of experience and knowledge when working with people with depression.  I am now on track to feeling better, but I anticipate the sadness and exhaustion to continue for another week until my new medication kicks in.

If I were to give any advice to others suffering from depression it would be the following. Don't hide it.  Talk about it.  And don't let others tell you to "snap out of it".  It does not work that way. Be aware of your own unique issues and patterns of depression.

Most of all, keep moving. One step at a time.  One sock, one shoe, next sock, next shoe.